i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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