im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
