he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
