guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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