I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
