The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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