I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
