I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
