Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
