I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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