Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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