I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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