It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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