I don't think brook has ever known best
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
