I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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