My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
