Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Randomize
