It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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