I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
