he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
