Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
