I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
i now understand why vodka
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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