we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
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