Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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