he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
