what if every blade of grass was a penis?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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