Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
