i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
A bitchslap is in order.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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