Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
