I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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