last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
