had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
