This is not my ceiling
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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