Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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