i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
