Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
