aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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