no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
