I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
