What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize