omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
