I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize