Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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