then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
