Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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