Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
