I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize