Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Quick, to the slutcave!
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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