Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
