she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
