Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
