butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
