no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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