She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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