Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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