I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
