Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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