She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
