haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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