I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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