So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
