guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
How does it feel to date your dad?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
