I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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