you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
from now on my penis is your penis
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
