shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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