I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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