I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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