Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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