Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
