Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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