walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
