i don't like sucking hair
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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