After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
