Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
